something that is peculiar about being a writer is that you are expected to constantly be networking. this is something i do not like because it makes the conversations with such people feel ‘phoney’ (s/o to holden caulfield) and i fear that people might think i’m only talking to them in order to make strategic connections. it makes all conversation feel like it’s being moderated, and i can’t actually be myself because i’d be misrepresenting my bea hughes brand - and i’d probably alarm/put off most people if i started going off about my passionate hopes that the future involves the abolishing of all national borders
i feel like i have to prove myself as being mature - which i’m not, because i’m 20.
anything with my name attached to it suddenly feels a bit risky, because if i ended up actually being published, or writing for a newspaper, or actually having my name plastered to things that MATTERED, i don’t want my surreal twitter humour fucking anything up for me. writing requires a voice, and i have one, but i don't know if it's one that most places would want to snap up
this blog was conceived at first because i wanted to have a ‘portfolio’ to point at all proud if i was trying to indicate to a potential employer that i’ve evidently got an interest in writing/articles/blogging - but instead i just write about my ISSUES
i like the writing part of being a writer, i like the events that come attached to it. i like meeting and talking to writers, actors, the whole lot of it, but networking, forming ‘connections’ and all that jargon feels fakey. i don’t know if i’ll grow up into being professional, or if i’ll continue sabotaging career prospects with every time i choose to make a dumb post about my ~feelings~ instead of showcasing a writing portfolio.
Comentarios