this lockdown is different for a few reasons. less sunlight, no garden, and i actually live completely alone this time. no chickens in the garden, no cat scratching my door open at 5am, and no ruth to have g&ts with on a friday night.
i’ve been trying to go for little circular walks and make a little ritual out of getting a toffee nut latte in my moomin cup and going to sit in the park. i’ve been trying to go easy on myself for not getting that much done everyday because i feel like i’m just...existing. and existing is okay. something fun i’ve done is dedicate one day every week to having the same energy of a sunday when you’re in primary school. putting the duvet on the sofa, reading a new book from start to finish, and doing absolutely nothing productive. i do all my cleaning the night before so i can just guiltlessly sit around in my pajamas and eat clementines.
i am grateful that this lockdown is so close to christmas! i’ve been coming up with christmas crafts. tomorrow i’m going to make mince pies. it’s given me a fun little project of ideas. and writing cards to people is a nice way to raise my social bar like i’m a sim.
i’ve definitely become aware of how little i actually NEED to talk to people. a few days i haven’t actually spoken out loud and only notice the following day when i thank the cashier at sainsburys and my voice breaks like a 14 year old boy. we do live in very odd times, but i am very privileged in that i am able to use this time to study.
thank-you to the inventors of furlough for allowing me to have a month to read lots of articles about tanuki, and cut out cardboard into festive decorations.
this said, i am fucking freaked out about the future. i have no idea how long this will all go on for. nobody does, duh. but it will be the death of a lot of businesses. it will be the death of a lot of humans too. it’s odd to think if masks will be around forever now. i don’t mind that too much, i’m a fan of them personally. maybe everyone will be a little bit more hygienic. maybe there’ll be a brand new covid in a few years.
because it’s totally outside of any realms that i can control i’m just going to remain quietly bemused by it all and wonder where it’ll end up. and continue to write my research thesis about tom nook