i’ve written about this before, but i think about it a lot. the question of whether or not it’s possible for women to reclaim their sexuality, if our perceptions of confidence in sexual liberation is based on the fact men enjoy it too. i still don’t know. sex is a core animal instinct, and by all means, a human need. we are animals, we like to fuck, it’s totally natural and it’s hilarious how we make it a song and dance, a special ritual. it’s also lovely that we do that, it’s something complex how we wind it together with softer emotions. sex is everywhere. it’s used liberally in perfume adverts, sometimes ones for coffee.
sex workers make their objectification a choice. they shape the perception, and therefore it’s empowering because they are asserting how they should be seen. alternately, there’s people like billie eilish who i enjoy because they dress sexlessly. i’m stuck in a limbo between the two because i like to feel sexy, and i like to look sexless. i like to wear mens clothing and enormous culottes that don’t allow creeps in their sixties make sly comments about my legs. i also like to take pictures of myself in my underwear and knee socks. i don’t mind who sees these, really. i’m kind of proud of them because i think i look great.
it’s all down to that CHOICE thing, but i’m stuck in overthinking if it’s an illusion of choice. if i only feel sexy in those socks because i’m aware other people find it sexy. it’s like, i want to have sex but exclusively on my terms, nobody is allowed to consider me in a sexual way unless i specifically want them to. then they’re allowed. i’m a horny young adult so i’m peacocking, but i’m also wanting to hide - cherry-pick who is allowed to perceive me that way. i suppose we can’t control everything. but i’d like to, sometimes